best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Randomize
