Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
