ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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