I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she peed on how many people?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
