I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize