I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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