you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize