i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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