Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
