Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
