Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize