Pappa wants mamma naked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
