I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it glows. i had to have it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
