I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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