Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
