you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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