I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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