I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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