it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
