glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
