I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
