You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
