Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
