Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
