facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
