Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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