it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We need to get me chipped asap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
