I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
