hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
