i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
