Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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