apparently the secret to your success is patron
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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