in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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