Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
