If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
