I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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