You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
