five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
third nipple confirmed
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