i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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