I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
