hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
