This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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