why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
