it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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