You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
