I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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