Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
