Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
