OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
