Pregnant stripper...not hot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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