i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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