he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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