alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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