I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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