I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
