i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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