we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
