Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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