i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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