do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
