Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
