She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
