I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
