I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize