just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How naked do you want me to be?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
