eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
