The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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