Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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