i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
well you can't waste a boner
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
