What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
