"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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