well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
