You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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