So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
