you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
