Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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