did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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