Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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