we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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