i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
