She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
