I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
how does that bad decision feel?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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