Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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