its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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