It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We got so high we made milksteak
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
