i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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