I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
