i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
