my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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