youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
