I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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