Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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