The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
