Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
