the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
