it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
