so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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