batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
