hotel room ftw
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
